Internet Explorer


Internet Explorer, oh Internet Explorer, how you trouble me.
I build good things for you and you tear them down.
I give you good things to eat and you spit them out.

Like an infant wanting so bad to walk.
We hold your hand and help you along.
We forget just how frail your little legs are.
We let you go and down you fall.

We smile and pat your head.
Look how far she’s come along, we say.
She’s growing up so nicely.

We dress you up with fun sayings like “Edge”
And help you back to your feet.
We turn around for only a second, it was just one second.
Down you go again.

You keep us up late at night
Worrying that you may never learn
She’ll get it, they say
We grit out teeth and go our way

You cost us a fortune with things you break
Is it bad I wish you’d just go away?
Everyone loves you, and so you stay

We’ll keep building and hope it’s okay.

Do It Better In 2016

My family motto for 2015 was “A year of failure.” For those that missed the post  it wasn’t claiming failure, rather, giving the permission to ourselves to try new things and say it’s okay if we fail. I thought it was clever, but turned out to be a very difficult concept to explain to the visitors standing in our living room staring with confused looks on their face reading the chalk board above our breakfast bar that clearly says, “2015 — A year of failure.” Perhaps attempting to explain that was our first of many failures for the year. “No, no, no, it’s not a year of failure, it’s a year of failure.” Frustration only grew as any attempted explanation to the confusion resulted in a slight head-cock to the left. “So you want to fail this year?” Sigh. I can only imagine that if they were a dog, their ears would raise above their head in a curious fashion.  Like a mnemonic for your own name…I suppose you either get it or you don’t.

If you do happen to get it and have never given yourself the freedom to fail, try it sometime. The caveat is the depression that comes on December 31st as you recount the events of the past year and realize the failures do in-fact far outweigh the successes and what little success you did have seems insignificant.

I started out this year applying for a job to feel out the field and see if there was anything out there for me. I believe I received an offer from every job I applied to (success). I think my favorite was the company that said, “well, we’ve closed the hiring positions, ran across your resume…and then there’s you.” That so summed up how I feel at times. I just don’t fit into the mold, whatever mold that may be that society tries to impose on what a normal life should be. I ended up accepting a well-paid position — they were offering me everything I asked for and then some (success). A contract that I was currently under, and was under the verbal agreement of ending, decided to be a [tact fails me here] and through a conflict of interest I had to turn down the position (fail).

I picked myself up, said okay, I’ll finish this contract with dignity. Long story short, contract was abruptly terminated a couple weeks later (fail). No job, no contract, I applied for a position in Sydney, Australia with a large company. Before my second interview, the recruiter says, “you did poorly in your first interview, I don’t want to waste your time but I’ll keep you on for this interview and see how it goes if you want. Perhaps it’s just a misunderstanding between Americans and Australians (fail).” Five interviews later, and the recruiter is having a department open a special position for me in their coveted Growth Hacking department. “Generally people get promoted to the Growth Hackers, but everyone has loved you and wants you in there, so I’m requesting they open a special spot for you in their budget (success).” I suppose he could have said, then there’s people like you. My wife also had a job offer on the table at the same time and after much deliberation we decided it best to stick around Sacramento (success/fail).

I started doing freelance web development again with high hopes of growing my business and taking on some employees this year. I signed a few good-sized contracts (success), left a lot on the table (fail), and ultimately failed to grow the way I hoped (fail) leaving a lot of uncertainty for the coming year.

My wife and I decided to try and have a kid this year. It would be the only year we would try. She did some amazing ovulation tracking as we got it first go around (success). I mark that as a success as we succeeded in something we were trying, certainly to no merit of our own, but I also have to chalk that up to a failure as I abandoned many of my own personal ideologies (fail). I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to adequately explain that to my child. Until that day comes, I’ll enjoy the time I have with them.

I created a website called Money Share in which I hoped to crowdsource our student loans. We had a couple people generously donate to the cause (success), but surprisingly got quite a bit of outspoken criticism. Our goal was to raise $68,000. We didn’t come anywhere close (fail). The site was a prelude to an article that I wrote for the Sacramento Bee talking about student loans and the high-cost of living. It was published (success) but also drew large criticism (fail). I was encouraged that another article dealing with the same issues was published next to mine — obviously real concerns for many. My take away from this experience is two-fold: 1) people are less likely to give to a cause they have either gone through and overcome or are currently dealing with (take care of numero uno first); and 2) people are really uncomfortable with personal transparency. I have no scientific data to backup these statements and I’m just running on my own tail-wind conclusions. Should be a fun project for someone though, to validate or invalidate. I do take joy in knowing these statements will find their way in a college paper as profound fact. I find point one interesting as my initial thoughts would be that people would have empathy. No such luck.

Was able to speak to our church about refugees which turned out to be timely given all the coverage on the refugees lately (success). Though this was a semi-success as Amy was the one that was asked to speak and when she couldn’t make the speaking engagement, I was reluctantly asked to be the de facto replacement. Regardless, it was good opportunity to work on my public speaking (success).

We helped lead a young married’s group. I’ll say it was a success despite it being made abundantly clear that Amy is the favored spokesperson in our family. When asked why I don’t do more I can simply reply, “Roger says…” [I do hope Roger reads this :) No hard feelings. ].

I summited Mount Shasta at an arguable 14,180 feet — higher than my sky-dive I might add (success).

I took up building furniture (success). My projects included a bed frame with dove-tailed drawers, shelves from reclaimed wood, and an antique-finished trunk.

I proposed a fitness equipment addition to our local park’s board and am now co-chairing a committee to raise funds and implement the project. Stay tuned to see if that’s a success for a failure.

Amy and I tried to personally invest in a supposed homeless person. While he does seem to be doing better, it feels that our attempts at help have been to no avail (fail). We’ve spent time and money over the past six months trying to connect him with the right people and this has been frustrating. It’s certainly easier to throw a few dollars the “problem” and walk away. Unfortunately for me, I just can’t shake the feeling that Jesus wants us to do more.

Tried to do a budget, especially for food. I think our food bill actually increased (fail).

I submitted some of my work for awards. They got nominated (success) but did horribly in the voting stage (fail).

We set out to build more meaningful friendships. We did that (success).

I challenged a group of people to memorize the book of James in the Bible (fail). In doing so, I felt it only right that I do it myself, and I did (success).

Thinking back over the year, there’s nothing significant that stands out to me. Perhaps my greatest failure of the year is that I didn’t take greater risks. I had given myself the opportunity to surf big waves (figuratively) and was only able to bring myself out knee deep. What’s the point of having a surfboard if you can still feel the sand below you? I want to play where the water is deep in the unknowns.

Ironically, it’s those unknowns that have made me fear the coming year. Our family is growing, contracts are uncertain, Amy’s taking the year off, etc. Leading me to a semi-depressed, contemplative state this past week. I love when the right person walks into your life and says the right thing at the right time. My dear friend Gabe and I meet for coffee on Thursdays, and I really treasure our conversations. Today was one of those days especially. As I was lamenting these feelings to him, he totally got where I was coming from and expressed a similar place he had been in. He was asking someone, “what’s next?” and the person replied, “do it better.” Don’t change what you are doing, just do it better.

That’s it, that’s the take away message for me. I tried some different things this year and was semi-successful at others. In general, I’m good at what I do, but 2016 needs to be about me doing what I do even better. Whether that’s my relationship with God, family, conversations, helping others, work, or anything else, I need to do it better. When Leonardo Di Vinci was nearing his death, he was asked if he had any regrets. He replied that he wished he had worked harder. I’ve always felt that was a statement regarding his inventions and what we consider to be his physical work. Today I like to think that he meant he wished he had worked harder at doing all things in life better.

For my family, 2016 is a year to do it better.


I [don’t] deserve that

I try and limit my time on Facebook these days and put more effort into face-to-face time with those around me. This week I’m taking a little vacation in Montana and have found myself browsing facebook in the downtime. There’s a bit of a shock factor in the postings I read. I guess over the years, my thinking and understanding of the world as well as my beliefs have changed considerably from those I grew up with.

I want to quickly address one posting I saw that had an image of an American soldier on the left with the title “Deserves free health care” and a man climbing over a fence on the right (presumably crossing the southern U.S. border) with the title “Does not deserve free health care”. Upon seeing the posting, I commented my two-cents on the matter, but I feel compelled to speak on a little deeper level as I just can’t shake the word “deserve” from my mind.

I seem to run into this attitude of entitlement more often and I’m always thrown when it comes from a fellow Christian. I simply want to remind those of you with this attitude that it is not of your own works that you are saved. It is not of your own merit that you live in the United States. It is not of your good nature that you are blessed. If I were to simplify the matter, I would say it is nothing more than God’s grace and mercy that you have anything.

When Zacchaeus was confronted with the sovereign Lord, he began to give away his riches to those less fortunate. It was only after this promise to do so that Jesus said, “Today salvation has come to this house.” Yet we hoard our riches and blessings; patting ourselves on the back when we give to charity. Zacchaeus wasn’t saved by his works, but his newfound understanding of the nature of God and his willingness to submit himself thereof.

We don’t understand anything of how fortunate we are and how richly God has blessed us. If we did, we would be humbled at our undeserving, sinful selves and be compelled with compassion on those less fortunate. We will give an account of what we’ve done with what we have. It is God’s command that we take care of the homeless, fatherless, widows, orphans, poor, prisoners, sick, and dying. How dare we think us more deserving than another.

If we say we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit resides within, yet we lack compassion for those in need, how can this Spirit truly be living in us? For if the Spirit and Jesus are of the same God, how can they be in conflict? How can we, being children of God and followers of Jesus, be in conflict with the message of Jesus? Either we deceive ourselves and the Spirit does not reside in us, or we are so blinded by our greed that the truth is far from us.

Pray that God gives you wisdom so that you will not be deceived and that you will have discernment. If we only help those like ourselves, we’re no better [off] than the non-Christian.

I want my life to resemble this:
Not this:
deserve this


Captcha Me This

We’ve all had to complete those “captchas” when filling out an online form. You know, those things with the blurry, distorted text that asks you to type what you see.

Well, last night I had a dream that I was filling out this online form and I got to the captcha at the end. To my dismay, it was asking for the solution to some impossible math question with all these crazy symbols I had never seen before. I was thinking, “Are you kidding me?”.

Nevertheless, I went and got a piece of paper and pencil. I attempted to look up the symbols on wikipedia and with no possible chance of success, started trying to work out the problem. I spent hours of frustration on this captcha for this simple form I was trying to submit.

I would obsessively click the refresh button to try and get and easier question, but they just kept getting harder and longer. At one point, I thought I had actually worked out the problem, but in my excitement accidently hit another key as I was trying pushing “ENTER” — it refreshed to give me a new problem to solve.

Needless to say, I was never able to submit the form.

You can read more about CAPTCHAs here:


Angry, Angry Me.

Last night we had a couple encouraging us and saying how naturally warm and welcoming we are to the people around us.

I was taken back in my mind to a moment in life where I would have never received such a compliment. One particular day stuck out — a teeth cleaning day at the dentist to be exact. My dental assistant was a lady by the name of Jenny. She had previously worked under me for some time in a different occupation. We got to reminiscing about old work and at some point I had posed a question resembling, “Do you miss it?”. Her nose crinkled and with no hesitation she blurted out, “No! You are the meanest person I have ever worked for in my life…” Her posturing told me she was serious, but I still waited for the “just kidding” or “I’m teasing”; it never came.

I was a monster. At that time, in some confused way I don’t fully understand today, I was proud of that moment. Looking back, I’m so sad for the people that I may have hurt.

So that compliment I mentioned, it wasn’t the words themselves that encouraged me so much as the realization that I have changed so much since a time past. I look back on a younger me and say, “what was wrong with me?” God is still molding and making me into something great. It’s a reminder to not stop changing and continue striving to be more Christ like.

I hope that in five or ten years from now as I continue to grow, I can look back on the me today and still say, “what was wrong with me then?” Thank you to the people in my life now who give me grace as I change.

Bad Apple Money

Years ago, I had the privilege of working with some pretty wealthy people…and some that pretended to be wealthy. While I never knew for sure what their total net worth was, I began to be able to pick out the ones that were truly wealthy and those not so much.

I call it my Bad Apple Money theory and it goes like this: Those that truly have wealth and not a care financially are some of the nicest, caring people in the world; those that only pretend to have great wealth have a tendency to micromanage, be stressed, and create stress for others.

As I continue to meet people of means (or lack thereof) I find my theory continually holding true. I find it especially interesting when one starts to lose money who once had financial security but has surpassed that threshold — each person has their own — where they begin to feel the pressures of life. It’s a sad picture. I imagine one dangling over a cliff holding on to a fraying rope with a support group of friends and family trying to pull them up. The dangler continues to kick and struggle and yell at this support group making it impossible for the support group to pull the dangler up.

As you inch closer to edge trying to help, you yourself will succumb to the pressure and begin to create stress for those around you. Don’t be left hanging onto the rope when everyone else let’s go.

While my theory pertains to money, these bad apples exist in every facet of life. They are infectious and will suck your happiness away without you knowing it. Learn quickly to identify them and stay clear.

Get rid of the bad apples in your life and start enjoying a healthy harvest!

Bad Apple

Image from

I’m a big fat liar

So it turns out I have a problem with the truth. I was confronted this past week by someone I respect very much and have newfound appreciation. He said, “…I believe you tend to convolute the truth so you feel okay about what you are doing.”

Those are tough words to swallow. Whether or not he had me fully pinned down, it turns out he had every right to pass any judgement on me he so desired. Let me back up.

Some time back I made some legal inquiries that pertained to a business contract. I wanted to know my rights if the “$*&^ hit the fan”, so to speak, and also wanted some negotiating leverage for a conversation I was preparing.

During one of these meetings I was confronted about these legal activities. I remember being slightly taken aback, but figured I may have mentioned something in a prior meeting.

Bottom line, I lied about the purpose for my visit, and would continue to stick to this lie for the next six months.

Over the course of this time, I would have many meetings, all of which would end in ridiculous arguments. I couldn’t understand what was happening. What had changed? As far as I was concerned all was well.

After one of these blow-up sessions and some serious praying, I had a bout of conscience. I was reminded of my shortcomings. I picked up the phone and confessed my lie. I was once again taken aback when I heard, “I already know all this.”

Wow, I felt small. Here was a man who, while knowing I had directly lied to him, continued to treat me with kindness and fairness, even to the point of going out of his way to ensure I had everything I needed.

I have heard many times, “Bless those who curse you and pray for those who despitefully use you.”, and here I was on the cursing end of that. So, yeah, I would say he had every right to pass judgement on me.

It made me really stop and think. Take inventory of my motives and actions. Am I being the person that I profess to be or just a phony? It’s hard to know when you are a big fat liar.

2015…a year of failure

2014 is come and gone. For me and my poor memory, it’s all but a distant past. Not really, but it sounds like the start to a good post. 2014 was a year of a lot of mixed emotions. In terms of business, it was a very frustrating year — I poorly negotiated some contracts, regretted those negotiations, loathed that it is so hard to find people you can trust fully in business (we’ve traded handshakes for 1200 page contracts), you get the picture. I learned a lot on the business side of things and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. So in the end, yeah, on the business side it wasn’t so bad. We paid the bills and put a little aside for a rainy day.

On the personal side of things, it was an amazing year for me. I was reunited with my wife after a four month work separation. After a six-year long battle with Bank of America over a house from three lifetimes ago, they finally accepted a short-sale. That left me with a $90,000 tax bill which gave me a bit of a scare until it was forgiven…thanks Congress, Senate, and Obama. That made us debt-free other than student loans! I also closed my Bank of America account. I did this on my birthday for extra satisfaction. We got the opportunity to live in a nice little cottage on a golf course for six months. Okay, it was a guest house, but hey, it was nice and I enjoyed it immensely.

We tried to do some soul searching by doing a Kairos Missions Course and attending some conferences including Traction West and Joyce Meyers. We also officially joined Christ Community Church.

We did more volunteering including meals on wheels, Amy worked with World Relief, we attended a thanksgiving banquet with refugees, we visited people in prison. We gave more away this year than ever before. Not just to churches or non-profits, but to people around us.

We travelled to Big Sur, Venice, Iceland, North Carolina, Yosemite, Reno, and Kingsburg. We fell in love with Nevada City.

I visited my family and extended family.

We celebrated our four year anniversary and are having sex more and more often (sounds silly but this is a great accomplishment that I may share in another post).

We met new friends that we really enjoy, started eating healthier, and going to the gym.

Amy published articles. I finished a product called Rezku (restaurant reservation system and floor management) that people are buying and a company called Guest Innovations (formerly Dinnerwire) is being built on.

We went and saw plays and shows including Blue Man Group, Celtic Women, Bill Cosby, and community theater.

We moved in with the in-laws. The rainy day fund doesn’t come without a price.

I even tried a little country line-dancing.

Looking back, 2014 was a great year. So why am I so glum about 2015? I’m not! I’m excited about 2015. Which is why my wife and I are calling it a year of failures. We are finally back on our feet. Maybe a little wobbly, but we are up and we have a list of things to tackle this year. Some of them are big…maybe too big. But we aren’t scared; or as they say in the south, “We ain’t skeered”. Being in total agreement with each other that it’s okay to fail is such a freeing feeling. It unties that knot in your stomach and gives you the confidence to tackle it head on.

So, we expect to fail this year. But at the end of the year, I’ll be able to look back and say, “Yeah, I did that!”.

Ain't Skeered Logo

The Real Value Of Risk

Lunch today was a myriad of conversation topics — mostly fanatical. Take the fictional billionaire who can’t spend all his money, or can he? It was reasoned that — after taxes, a private jet, yacht, homes at each touring destination, and to boot, your own private railway — it is very possible to spend all your billions. We very well could have been sitting around reading cards from a “Chat Pack”; in one ear, out the other. There was one thing said, however, that struck a chord, and that was, “…that’s why owners/investors make so much money…they take so much risk.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, except for myself. I couldn’t keep my mind from drifting back to our slipshod billionaire — let’s call him Harry the Billionaire, or Harry B for short. Take a startup company, let’s say it takes two million to get it up, running, and implemented. For most, two million is nothing to snarl at. It’s a significant amount of money and one could reason a hefty amount of risk for any one person to carry. What about for Harry B, though? This guy drops “bens” like he has a hole in his pocket. Two million dollars is not a ton of risk for Harry B.

Let’s make a couple of assumptions. In the proposed statement, since we don’t know anything about this company in which owners are making so much money, and because great risk is the reason they have so much money, it’s feasible for us to assume that this company is a startup. Since most startups generally are not making buckets of money to pay their owners/investors really well, it’s also feasible to assume that this “money” is really “company ownership” that is in hopes of one day becoming “money”.

So back to Harry B. Since he does not have great risk in this company, whereas others with less personal wealth would be at great risk, does that mean that Harry B should have a lesser share of company ownership that is more proportional to his risk investment?

While no one has the right to make money, they do have the right to the pursuit of happiness and the means thereof. If Harry B is starting the company and assuming all the risk, he’s certainly free to own how much ever he wants. Who are we to tell him otherwise? I suspect on the risk taking side of this, one can always spin the scenario to be a tautology in their favor.

In all this, there is a greater cause for meandering. That is, “by what should we measure risk?”. What I mean to say is, “should risk only be measured in financial terms?”. Think back to the gold rush. These pioneers left everything — friends, homes, livelihoods, in some cases family — in the pursuit of a dream or a big payoff much like our modern day business owners/investors. They risked it all; some giving of their very lives. They made the ultimate sacrifice, and many of them never saw a payoff. I would argue that this type of risk — personal sacrifice for a company — should not go without merit. This is worth far more than any amount of money one may put into their company.

If you are a business owner — especially of a startup — don’t overlook or belittle the personal sacrifice that is being made by the people who are helping you achieve your dreams. If you are paying someone, in most cases it’s fair to assume that you have greater financial means than them. This also means that whatever you value their sacrifice or risk investment at, it is probably multiplied by a factor of ten in their reality. Here’s an example: If I have a $50,000 net worth and you a $500,000 net worth, you may see me taking a pay cut of $5,000/year to come work for you worth 0.5% of your company. To you, what I’ve done for you is not that significant. But to the bearer of that risk investment, that $5,000 is greatly significant. It may mean he has to downsize, move to another neighborhood, put his children in a less-desirable school, forego health benefits, commute further and spend less time with his family, etc, etc.

Bottom line is, take the time to know the risk investment of those building your dreams. Don’t get so narrow-sighted on your own personal risk that you forget that others have made significant risks in other means than just financial.

I really like this pie chart that did here. Take some time to read their article. I hope it inspires you as it did me.

Company Ownership - Influence

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Generosity & Community

Generosity is defined as:


  1. The quality of being kind and generous.
  2. The quality or fact of being plentiful or large.

As we reflect on generosity and community this week, we often talk about giving – mostly of our money. We can find references all throughout the Bible encouraging us to give of our possessions and money freely.

Another aspect of generosity is giving of our time. This one often hurts more than money. Often times we give of our money because it’s convenient. Maybe it’s not ideal, but it sure beats the heck out of getting our own hands dirty. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about charity where you need both players – those brining the money in and those working in the field. I’m talking about the everyday grind.

Giving your neighbor a hand with some overgrown limbs; pulling over on the interstate to help someone change a tire; maybe taking an acquaintance’s kids to a ball game who couldn’t afford to go otherwise. Going out of your way to be generous with your time. Giving when there is no reward or immediate gratification. No rich friends to pat you on the back and tell you are doing the right thing. No awards, no names carved on a plaque, no recognition in the newspaper. Just plain unselfish, unbiased, generosity.

You can’t mimic someone unless you do as they do. You can’t call yourself a follower of Jesus by merely reading the Bible. You have to mimic what He did. Think of His generosity with His time. Mark 6:30-34 recounts Jesus and His disciples being hungry and tired ministering to the people. So much so that they tried to get away in a boat and get some peace and quiet. But the people saw where they were headed and ran on foot to the other side and met them there. There was no rest for the weary. Jesus could have told them to go away, but had compassion on them. He was generous with His time even when he just wanted some peace and quiet.

This is the same story where Jesus feeds  the five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish. You can’t be generous with what you don’t have. Here Jesus obtains what He needs to be generous. If we recount the definition of generous, it’s ironic to me that you can’t have one definition without the other. You can’t be generous unless you yourself have a generous portion. That generous portion may not be as big as someone else’s and it might be everything you have left, but if you don’t have it to give, you can’t give it.

If all of your time is accounted for, you can’t be generous with your time. If all of your money is accounted for in mortgages, hobbies, and cell phone data packages, you can’t be generous with it. Get some more or free some up!

So what about community? What does community have to do with generosity. Well, at first I had no idea. Then my wife was recounting the Benjamin Franklin Effect. It goes something like this: If you do a favor for someone, you are more likely to do a favor for them again than they are to return the favor. Similarly, if you harm someone, you are more likely to harm them again than they are to retaliate. As a political note or business note, if you can get an enemy to do a favor for you, they will most likely be open to the idea of doing or offering you a favor in the future.

This is described as cognitive dissonance in which someone changes their behaviors to reconcile conflicting thoughts and behaviors they may otherwise have of you. So by getting a rival to be generous to you by doing you a favor, you may be able to have them look more favorably on you. You’ve created a sense of community without giving anything  or spending millions in lobbying.

Turn the tables and let’s take an inward look at ourselves. Deuteronomy 15:10-11 God says that there will always be poor around us so He commands us to be “open-handed” – giving without grudge. Psalm 112:5 says that good will come to him who is generous and lends freely.

As infants, we naturally clench our fists. As toddlers we continue to clench our fists on the things we cherish as we add the word “mine” to our vocabulary. As adults we must learn how to open our hand and give freely. By doing so, even if it’s forced, we subject ourselves to the Benjamin Franklin Effect and we’ll be more likely to do it in the future without thought or reason and it will be easier to do. If we give to those we might otherwise not like, think they deserve what they have, think they are dirty, smelly, or just not our type, we’ll invoke cognitive dissonance and we may end up liking them by doing them a favor.

Who knew that a community would grow stronger, people who were enemies would be friends, and the poor would be taken care of by us opening our hands and giving of our time and money?

Think of ways this week in which you can be generous with not only your money, but also with your time.